


Madame Marie

by thisislegit



Series: Lupin is Nonbinary [1]
Category: Lupin III
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Date Night, Fluff and Humor, Genderfluid Character, Multi, OT3, Pretend sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22123012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisislegit/pseuds/thisislegit
Summary: Lupin needs to get out to breathe, and Goemon gives him the opportunity.
Relationships: Ishikawa Goemon XIII/Jigen Daisuke/Arsène Lupin III
Series: Lupin is Nonbinary [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853059
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> un-betad, pls let me know of any typos or grammar things like missing words(my one weakness)
> 
> The first chapter is rated T for teen and can be read as a standalone
> 
> the second chapter is a followup full of the usual shenanigans but w/the M rating so take it as you will if u want something real dumb to giggle at, if i can drop this whole fic to T lemme know

Goemon opened the door for Lupin who gave him a soft smile as he stepped into the restaurant. Lupin’s hair was a short wavy red that stopped below his ears, his makeup was a palette of sweet pastels, and the dress he wore was a little black cocktail dress with a high neck and a low scooped out back. Goemon himself wore a kimono, the type a male model would adorn for a runway, with a thick, itchy mustache covering his top lip, and a dark brown wig that cut off above his ears, the bangs coiffed to the side.

“Thank you, Satori dear.” Lupin placed a manicured hand on Goemon’s arm as they walked to the podium.

“I do not require gratitude, Marie-san. Only your company.” Goemon placed his hand over Lupin’s for a moment before turning to the hostess. “Table for two under the name Madame Marie.”

The hostess nodded and dragged a finger over their clipboard. “Ah.” She took the pen from behind her ear and checked off the box on the paper. “Right this way.”

They were given a table by the window that viewed the boardwalk outside. Neon signs lit up the night, and people walked by in clusters obscuring signs with their bodies, some laughing, some running, and others talking amicably if they weren’t alone. Goemon pulled out the seat for Lupin and held his arm out for the fur shawl over his shoulders. Lupin handed it over to take a seat, and set his purse on the table within reach.

“There’s a basket under the table for your purse, Marie-san,” he said pushing Lupin’s chair in.

“Call me a little old-fashioned, but I like having my things within sight. Cities have gotten so dangerous recently,” Lupin pushed a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

Goemon took the seat opposite, “I like old-fashioned.”

“Oh, Satori, you charmer.”

This evening there was no heist to be had, no snooping to be done, and not a spyglass in sight. Lupin wanted to go out, but he didn’t want to _go out_. Ever since they landed in Barcelona, his suit felt tighter by the day. The collar clawed at his neck. His tie choked him. He spent half an hour the first morning just buttoning and unbuttoning his shirt, his hands trembling when they got close to the center only for him to misplace a hole and have to start all over again. He knew why he was feeling suffocated, but he refused to act on it immediately. He made all sorts of excuses for himself. It took a long time cleaning up. He didn’t want to pull out the shaving cream. Dress shopping was a nightmare. He left his stuff at the usual location instead of taking it with him this time because he didn’t need it last time.

Yet last time was not this time, and this time he needed them. He was cranky in the middle of the afternoon. Short when the sun began to set, and silent when dinner rolled around.

“Do you want to go out for dinner?” Goemon asked him the previous evening.

Lupin was fumbling with his tie, the knot where the fabric met was fighting him and refusing to loosen up, “Where?”

“You can choose the place. You know how I am about food.”

“I don’t know, Goemon. Saturdays are super crowded with tourists.”

“Then, would Madame Marie like to go out for dinner?”

Lupin’s fingers were suddenly knotted in the fabric of his tie, “I don’t have my-.”

“Do not worry about the details. Would she like to attend dinner with me, tomorrow?”

He could say no, but his curiosity beat his stubbornness, and he nodded.

“I will see you at the front door at 6 tomorrow night, Madame.”

Lupin shivered and reached a hand up to cover his smiling lips. The following morning, Jigen threw a bag at him when he was going into the bathroom before breakfast, and Lupin rifled through the contents, his heart beating faster with each garment he pulled out. The bastard even got the nice eyeshadow palette instead of those crappy 2 euro ones. Warmth spread over his cheeks as he thumbed over the soft, black fabric of the dress thinking about how much his partners really cared about him.

Which led them here, both Lupin and Goemon’s drinks were set on the table. Lupin with a thin glass of chardonnay, and Goemon with a short glass of shochu.

Goemon raised his glass, “To the flower that blooms in the face of adversity.”

“Oh,” Lupin clinked their glasses together. His cheeks were warm, but not from alcohol.

The samurai’s alias for tonight was that of an up and coming famous poet, Satori Miyazawa, and Lupin knew as soon as he heard the backstory that Goemon would be using it to show off his idioms and poetic prose he saved for the most dramatic moments.

A gentle trill of a violin flowed over the room, and Lupin took a sip of his wine. This was nice. The feeling of stockings over his legs as he crossed his feet at the ankles, the shift of the dress along his thighs, the dip of a warmed metal chain along the back of his neck. Familiar. Comforting. He wondered if he should feel so soothed by the scene with its soft circles of wall lights illuminating the room, providing harsh shadows to the curtains draped along the bottom of the windows. The sprinkling of other couples and the occasional group of business men around them helped him to forget.

Goemon’s hand covered his free one, and he lightly grazed his fingers along the back of his palm in random patterns. Not sensually, but in a soothing way that made Lupin’s bare shoulders relax. His gaze lost in the outside window as a person on a moped sped by with a delivery to make. People bumping others out of the way as not to get hit, some shocked, others emboldened with anger enough to shout or shake a fist as they drove along. How many more times would that driver cut along the curb, narrowly missing the light and civilians to get to their destination? His thumb rubbed along the cotton of the tablecloth, threads all connected and soon to fall apart with age. With time. Like the people outside with faces and names he would never know or wouldn’t remember. Strangers tied together with similar routes home or to work or to shop. He rubbed his lips together, the tackiness of his lipstick still thick.

“Marie-san.”

“Hm?”

Goemon pulled a notebook from the uppermost layer of his kimono, “Would you like to hear a few poems I’m working on?”

“I’d love to.” Lupin set his glass down, his hand falling easily against his cheek in interest.

“Trailing through the wind  
Your fingers graze over mine  
Yearning yet patient.”

“How romantic.”

Goemon laced their fingers together and continued,

“To run forever  
A path no one else could take  
Serendipity.”

“That one’s cute. Is it about a dog?”

Goemon faltered at that, “Uh, no, well, it could be about a dog.”

Lupin hummed, bringing their joined hands together so he could place his cheek against Goemon’s knuckles, “Thank you for taking me out tonight.”

It was Goemon’s turn to blush as he put his notebook away to avoid eye contact. Neither noticed the blur of too much brown from the window.

“Really. I needed this.” Lupin never liked to admit his own weaknesses. He turned his head away to stare at a stray flower petal. It’s not that he held any hate towards his suits. They were their own form of protection giving off the image of someone in control even when he wasn’t. Especially when he wasn’t. Although, he wasn’t attached to the gender it displayed, he felt a sort of power in wearing them. The feeling wasn’t stronger than when he was in a swimsuit, or pajamas, or a dress, but it was different, and he’d already made a brand he wanted to stick with. Though sometimes, the desire for freedom, to express other things he found himself smothering fought with him, and the sleeves of his jacket would constrict around his arms like a snake. Twining and twisting to leave burns he wasn’t sure how to deal with.

“When you need me, I’ll always be there to help you fight your battles.”

Lupin’s eyes widened before they made eye contact. He gave Goemon’s hand a light squeeze, “Goe-

A crash came from the front of the restaurant, and the hostess shouted after the man who caused the ruckus. Said man was stomping past the other tables making a beeline for theirs.

“LUPIN.”

“Who?” Goemon stood up from the table, on guard.

“You think you can wear another disguise, but I know what you’re after!” Zenigata took out his handcuffs.

Lupin stood up as well, and Goemon moved in front to shield him.

“Move out of the way sir. I’m sorry to say this, but you’ve been had. That young woman is a man, and a criminal mastermind trying to scam you.”

“I don’t know who you are, but I’ve been seeing Marie-san for the last month. I can assure you, you’re mistaken,” Goemon said.

“I remember you,” Lupin started, “That’s the man who assaulted me on the street this morning!”

“HE WHAT.”

There was a few gasps, and shocked murmurs from among the other patrons of the bar. It wasn’t exactly a lie. Lupin had left their hotel half dressed in his feminine wear, but with a trench coat and sunglasses. The hotel didn’t have any razors he could use, and Jigen didn’t buy any perfume he could wear. It was supposed to be a quick trip down the road and back until he ran into Zenigata. He was lucky to get away by yelling pervert before the cuffs were brought out. A lot of tears and yelling had other women coming to his rescue and a couple men as well.

“Woah, woah, woah, that isn’t what happened at all.” Zenigata waved his hands back and forth in defense.

“I was getting things for tonight, and he said he was an inspector, but he grabbed me and touched my butt.” Lupin covered his face as if he were ashamed of the admission.

“You bastard. Assaulting a young woman, my date, in the middle of her errands. Take this!” Goemon landed a good punch, knocking Zenigata onto his ass.

There was another series of gasps, and hushed conversation over the restaurant. The hostess ran over with a few hotel security guards in tow.

“If you so much as show your face here again, I’ll have all twelve of my lawyers sue you for slander and defamation of character.”

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” The hostess said. However, security was already dragging Zenigata out.

“No. You don’t understand! That’s not a woman! That’s Lupin! LUPIN. YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS LUPIN.”

“I’m so sorry, Madame. I have no idea how he got in.” The hostess folded her hands together. “Please take a bottle of our Louis Roederer Cristal Rosé Champagne in compensation for your trouble.”

“I feel faint,” Lupin placed a hand on his head.

“Marie-san.” Goemon turned back to the hostess, “Is there anyway we could get a more private table?”

“Of course sir. Right this way.”

She led them to a table further in the back of the restaurant. The seating acting more like booths with small privacy walls on the outer edges, and Goemon helped Lupin into his seat. Their hostess promised she would redirect their food to this table, and no more disturbances would follow before making herself scarce.

Lupin daintily held a hand up to Goemon, “Thank you for saving me.”

Goemon took his hand kissing the back of his fingers, and Lupin broke into giggling. Goemon followed suit, his shoulders shaking with laughter, and the bangs of his wig bouncing. He looked sweet like that. Younger than when he was playing the emotionless bushido. What an interesting night this was turning out to be, not to mention how Pops just scored them a $600 bottle of wine. Talk about lucky.

Lupin and Goemon’s fingers were laced together again when the food was served at their table. The wine bottle they received emptying as time passed, with both trying to be the first to refill the other’s glass. Goemon’s cheeks turned pink with alcohol running through him, and Lupin covered his own occasional hiccups with a napkin. He only had to reapply his lipstick once. The lights of the restaurant began to go out, and Lupin stood from his chair on unsure footing. Goemon stood to help him, dropping a few bills onto the table with the check. He wrapped the fur shawl over Lupin’s shoulders and pushed his purse into his fingers.

“Is this too forward, Marie-san,” He placed his arm around Lupin’s waist to keep him upright.

“No, no, Satori dear. I drank a little too much.” Lupin was partially leaning into Goemon’s chest. “Help me up to my room?”

“Of course.”

The hostess gave them a wave and a smile as they left, and Lupin returned it, slipping her fifty for her troubles. Her eyes grew like saucers at the generosity, but the smile on her face was wide enough to make her eyes crinkle at the edges. Cute. They walked into the hotel lobby, Lupin’s feet starting to hurt from the heels, and he felt he deserved a little more spoiling before the night was over.

“I don’t think I can walk. Could you carry me?”

“Ma-Marie-san.”

“I know, it’s a little embarrassing. Oh!”

Goemon had swept him off his feet holding him bridal style, his steps sure as he headed for the elevator, “Anything for a beautiful lady.”

Lupin blushed even darker, pressing his cheek into the folds of the kimono, “That’s too much.”

“I mean it.”

He waited for the elevator doors to close before sitting up enough to kiss Goemon on the bottom of the chin. Lupin then tugged on the back of his neck to arrange him for a more proper kiss on the lips. Goemon smelled like incense, and Lupin chuckled when he pulled back to see he’d shared his lipstick.

“Pink suits you, Satori dear.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Damn it. That was embarrassing.” Zenigata held an ice pack against his cheek as he adjusted the frequency on the transmitter. “He’s not the only one who can tag people. With this prototype ICPO wiretap, I’ll find out his entire plan, and stop him before he gets there. Now I just need to-”

The earbuds he had to wear buzzed and crackled until he heard a male voice said, _“Marie-san?”_

“I got it! Now let’s hear your plot, Lupin.”

Lupin noticed something strange on his purse after the Zenigata encounter, and he got a better look at it while they were in the elevator. On the bottom of the silver lining, there was a tiny circular device. Seems like Pops was taking a few pages out of his book. Not a problem, but he needed to make sure this wouldn’t become a habit.

“Marie-san?”

“Satori dear, don’t leave me all by myself.” Lupin pointed to his purse. He then made a cuffing gesture over his wrist, and cupped around his ear as if he were listening.

Goemon understood saying, “My father might worry if I don’t return to my hotel.”

“But it’s so lonely when you’re not around. Please. Just stay the night.”

Jigen looked up from where he was sitting on the couch when the door opened. He was in his underwear with a half finished bottle of scotch on the table. He opened his mouth to ask a question, but Goemon shook his head, silencing him.

“I suppose one night wouldn’t hurt.”

Lupin made the same gestures he did with Goemon for Jigen, and the gunman nodded in understanding. He then grinned wondering what the thief had cooked up for the inspector.

“Honestly, Satori, whenever I see you my heart beats so fast in my chest, I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know why.” Lupin was set back onto his feet.

“That’s simple, Marie-san. You’ve fallen in love with me.”

“In love?” Lupin took off his emerald earrings, “How could this be?”

“Perhaps it’s because I’ve fallen for you as well.”

“Satori! Do you mean it?”

Goemon took off his shoes, and made a face as he peeled off his mustache, “Yes. There’s no one in this world I’d rather be with.”

Jigen sucked his lips into his mouth trying not to laugh.

“…show me.”

“Hm?”

“Satori, please, show me. Show me how much you love me.”

“Marie-san. Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yes, take me, make me yours.”

“Marie-san.”

“Satori.”

Lupin started making kisses sounds as Goemon took off his disguise. It helped by creating the sound of rustling clothing. Meanwhile, Jigen was covering his mouth with both hands at this point. He’d fallen on his side on the couch, his legs kicking as he fought to keep quiet. Goemon was trying not to laugh at the performance adding a few obligatory grunts when he thought they were appropriate. They would say the other’s fake name while Lupin took off his makeup, and got into his pajamas. It was a frilly camisole and shorts combo that had come in the same bag as the dress. He kept the wig on though the fake boobs were set aside.

“Marie-san. I respect you too much to continue here.”

“Satori, the bed, please, I want our first time to be special.”

Jigen managed to pull himself up, clutching his stomach partially in pain. He needed to keep quiet, but they were making it really hard. He wondered if Pops had cut the communication off yet. Jigen watched the two go into the bedroom, and waited a few seconds before he followed, his footsteps quiet. He didn’t know how good the microphone was on the wiretap. Goemon rested his hip on the side of the dresser drawer where the purse rested and Lupin tossed himself onto the bed. Jigen followed suit, sending a pillow to the floor. His sheathed sword was held up, ready to crush the wiretap when given a signal.

“Sa-satori. Ah, that’s so good,” Lupin crooned as he started bouncing on the bed.

“Marie-san.”

“Ha-aah, Sa-satori. Wa-wait that’s the wrong hole.”

“I’m sorry Marie-san, I don’t have any condoms.”

“Ah, aahhh, you’re so big inside me. Satori! Satori!” Lupin stood up in bed and started jumping up and down.

“Marie-san. Marie-san!”

“More, more, please more.”

Jigen stood up to jump on the bed as well, the headboard shaking as a result.

“Aa~hn, Satoriiii~!”

Lupin and Jigen had matching grins as they jumped on the bed, while Goemon covered his smile with one hand. They spent the next three minutes pretending to moan and groan, well, Lupin did, Goemon settled for the occasional gasp and strained calling out of Marie-san. Jigen decided time was up as he settled onto the bed and placed his hands onto the headboard to start hitting against the wall like rapid fire.

“Sa-satori. I’m cumming!”

“M-me too. Let’s cum together, Marie-san.”

“Aaahh, I’m cumming, I’m cumming from anal sex. Satori! Satori!” Lupin pressed his hands together like he was crushing something.

Goemon broke the wiretap on the purse with a solid crush. When he was sure the thing was no more, he gave his partners a nod, and they all started laughing. Jigen had tears coming from his eyes, and Lupin fell onto his back, his hands over his eyes as he cackled towards the ceiling. Goemon had to set his sword down so he could bend over the side of the bed to stay balanced.

Eventually they began to calm down, Goemon crawling into bed with a few more huffs of laughter, while Jigen and Lupin laid there giggling on the pillows.

“You guys are great,” Jigen snickered.

He still felt warm with the buzz of alcohol as he pulled both Jigen and Goemon up by his shoulders to kiss Jigen’s fluffy hair and rub his cheek against the top of Goemon’s head. “You two sure know how to treat a gal to a good time.”

The next morning, Inspector Zenigata informed the ICPO that the prototype wiretap was not only ineffective, but an underhanded and unreliable way to follow criminal activity, later which, the models and project were recycled and disbanded. He then took a week vacation to the Philippines.

**Author's Note:**

> i watched the Miss Mary drag episode and fell in love immediately, lupin is pretty as hell and got dem LEGS


End file.
